Baseball in the Savanna

As I lead my safari tour-group its way across the vast savanna of Africa in our long, open aired jeep, we began to feel a faint rumble. Off in the distance was a pack of zebras sprinting through the planes with a few lions close behind.

“This reminds me of a tale,” I told my sightseers, “about the King of the Savanna and a cunning zebra.”

Andre the lion had just woken up from an afternoon nap and he had hankering for a snack. There were plants here and there, but ever since he was a cub Andre refused to eat his vegetables. He took pleasure in eating a freshly cut steak; cooking it would make the meat lose its flavor. Andre lived alone in the savanna; a wife and kids would only prove to get in his way. After looking around, he finally caught a glimpse of a herd of zebras grazing to the north, oblivious to Andre’s presence.

“This is too easy,” thought Andre. “I might as well get my wine out of the cellar now.”

Lightly stepping through the tall grasses, Andre picked out the most succulent looking zebra, which happened to be quite a ways away from his companions. With a big grin on his face, Andre crouched down then quickly exploded into the air, landing on top of the zebra, pinning him to the ground.

There was a reason this certain zebra was alone. He went by the name Cornelius and he was educated in all subjects ranging from animal psychology to African mathematics. Cornelius dropped out of school the year before at the age of three. He claimed he became bored with his studies since his educators weren’t able to teach him anything new. Therefore, Cornelius spent most of his time on the outskirts of the herd, reading books and grazing. However, on this day his studies could prove to be his downfall.

“Sir Lion, you don’t want to kill me,” Cornelius calmly explained while Andre held each of his legs flush to the ground.

Andre was in a good mood so he played along. “Oh? And why is that?”

“Where’s the sport seizing me and slicing your claws across my neck? A reasonable lion would make it a fair fight.”

“And how do you propose I make this a fair fight?” laughed Andre. “You are but a weak zebra, and I am a brawny, fearless lion.”

“Let’s play a game,” proposed Cornelius. “Anything you want.”

Andre pondered for a moment. It had been a while since he had been in a competition. Back in high school, he was the star player for the Zambia Zippers baseball team. “Ok, we’ll play a game of baseball; one-on-one. If you somehow win, I let you go free and I’ll never bother you or your herd again. But when I win, I’ll be having a candlelight dinner, with you as my main course.”

With a nervous gulp Cornelius agreed. “How hard could baseball be?” thought Cornelius. “It’s just physics, right?”

So the game began with Cornelius on the mound and Andre at bat. Cornelius picked up the ball and threw it towards the plate. Gearing back his bat made of the finest Baobab wood, Andre smashed the ball so much force that Cornelius knew it was useless to chase after it. Realizing he needed to adjust his game-plan, Cornelius picked up a new ball a studied it. He looked at the horseshoe shape of the seams and reasoned throwing the ball with more backspin would achieve greater velocity and throwing it with a sideways spin would move air around the ball in such a way that the ball would curve as it got towards the plate. So Cornelius tried his fastball. The ball zoomed through the air with such a velocity that any cheetah would be impressed. Andre swung his bat, but the lack of contact with the ball forced him to spin around in circles. Flustered for the rest of the inning, Cornelius made three outs, only allowing the one run to Andre.

Being the first time Cornelius has swung a bat, he wasn’t sure of the proper technique. He swung and made contact with the first pitch. It went ten feet into the air and landed in Andre’s giant paws, allowing him to not move an inch. The same thing happened on the next pitch. Considering every aspect he could, Cornelius rationalized that if he rotated his lower and upper bodies at different times he could get much more power. So his next at bat, right before he made contact he rotated his legs and hips, then while making contact he turned his arms and torso. The combination looked like someone let go of a twisted spring. All of the power that was stored up was released and the baseball went sailing over Andres head. He was in shock as Cornelius ran around the bases for a homerun.

Snapping back to reality, Andre got the third out by making a spectacular over-the-shoulder catch some 400 feet away from home plate. Andre’s once confident ego was hardly bruised or battered by Cornelius’ use of intelligence to keep him in the game. Andre still believed he was the better brute by far. Over the next 8 innings the game was neck and neck; neither beast had the advantage.

It was the top of the ninth inning with the score tied 37 – 37 and even though Cornelius refused to give up Andre was still confident he would win. With two outs one strike left for
Andre, he said, “You think you’re so smart don’t you zebra? But do you want to know how I became the four-time MVP on my high school team? It’s because of moments like these. Just watch”

Cornelius knew he had to come up with something special at this point. Instead of throwing his fastball or curveball, he dug into his arsenal and decided to go with the knuckleball. He reared back and let the ball go. It floated through the air rotationless. Andre’s eyes got big. Licking his lips, he threw his bat at the baseball. At the last moment the knuckleball dropped almost straight down and Andre missed it by a good foot and a half. Three outs.

Fueled by his frustration, Andre went to the mound and started throwing BBs. “You ignorant zebra, do you honestly think you can beat me? You’re weak. Not even your own herd likes you; your only friends are those books you read.”

This hit Cornelius hard. He was fed up with others making fun of him. Cornelius tightened his grip on his bat, squinted his eyes and said, “Pitch…the ball.” Andre let the ball go with tremendous speed, but the ball came off of Cornelius’ bat even faster. The ball went high and far. Andre sprinted to catch it. The ball kept going and going. As a last stitch effort Andre dove straight out, fully extending his body. However, it wasn’t enough. The ball landed and rolled away. All the while, Cornelius raced around the bases and scored the winning run.

Andre was true to his word. He let Cornelius go home. Cornelius believed he would just go back to his books, still lonely, but what Cornelius didn’t know was that his entire herd had been watching him and admired his courage.

“And there you have it folks,” I told my safari group, “Andre’s overconfidence was his weakness. Cornelius returned turned to his herd with new friends that raved of his heroicness, and Andre went home, lonely and hungry.”